It’s been a minute. I have been consumed in school work to the point where I have to remind myself to breathe. It’s a bit ridiculous, summer class are great because they are fast and typically pretty easy. It’s a lot of work but it’s just a game of balancing and managing your time which I have become an expert at.
People are very funny and very different. Some people I guess will never be happy and there is nothing that anyone can do to make some people happy. It’s funny how I can do 100 nice things for someone and go out of my way for them a 100 times and be there for them when they need me 500 times (even times when I definitely should NOT have been there for them) without ever asking for anything, just doing my duties of being a good friend. And when I do a couple of not so nice things, have a few moments of insanity, all the nice things are forgotten about and I am just completely disregarded as a person. I think sometimes people forget that I am a person. I think because I sometimes do manage a lot of just can always seem to “have an answer” or can help someone deal with something that they forget, that I too have need and feelings. I will be the 1st to admit that I am far from perfect and I do have my moments, I can be quit nuts-o, but who doesn’t? I kind of feel like a dictionary, yep. People don’t just pick up a dictionary to read it they only go to it when they need something. Or I really like to compare myself to hiking boots!! It makes me smiles. I love analogies.
I just wish people would tell me to go fuck myself or something. Silence is the worst form of betrayal at times. It really is just so funny to me, how people put me through things that hurt them so deeply, you think people would learn from their life experiences. If I experienced something that hurt my feelings, I would not intently do it to someone else! So what does that mean? I am just a better person then you? I don’t know. Closure is an amazing thing, it’s a shame more people can’t have it. Learning how to communicate is a skill that far too little people have mastered! The only good thing that has really come from this entire situation is how much I have grown as a person. I would just like an exit interview!
I have been kinda bummy the last few days but *snap*snap* I got to come out of it! I think if you think positive, positive things will happen, sometimes it’s just not so easy to do. I feel things are always tough for me and difficult for me for a reason, but I never push myself far enough to find out really the end product. So I think I just need to suck it up, not be so afraid of life, and take that jump and that step and just do it! I think I am just so afraid to fail and it really holds me back. But if I never try then I will never fail, but if I never fail I will never learn! Like Chicken Little says… tomorrow is a new day.
