How one lil negative thing can just bring up 4 years of past negativity and then its like BOOOM POW in your face. Its like a damn broke and the water came rushing.
I guess it just goes to show that I am not over a lot of things. I think I have come along way but I still have along way to go. But I think that I am on a good path to recovery I just have to stick to that path.
I guess my challenge is that I still have hope, but at the same time I don't want anything to do with this person. I guess I just want to feel like justice has been served or I don't know maybe I have had revenge or something I cant think of the word I'm looking for.
A lot of my problem is that I have a very overactive mind and I do a lot of things that bore me in my life, i.e. work. I try to keep my mind busy but its hard. I have been trying to do other things especially at work to challenge myself I'm also trying to have a better attitude not let stupid people and attitudes effect me.
My dissatisfaction with a lot of things I am currently dealing with in my life and I'm working on changing these things but the change takes time. I have to wait for the right moment and I hate waiting!! I really want to move forward in my life but I feel like I'm just sitting here idle not going any where.
I called NYU today and they told me that a decision has been made and should be getting a letter in the mail within the next few days. I think this was the ship that crashed into my damn. Such anxiety and nervousness, so much hope, such a high possibility that I could be so disappointed even though a negative letter will just lead to another potentially positive and honestly probably a better situation.
I just feel very out of touch with myself. A little confused but focused. There has to be something good that will come for me, because I know the world has better things and people to offer me I just have to not loose hope or focus and someday I will get there.
Tomorrow is a new day.
