I never seize to amazes myself with how much I can let myself down and make myself look like an idiot. But maybe when I think I make myself look like an ass I am only really revealing how big of a heart I really have?
I am done with trying to fight so hard for a friendship that isn’t there. I don’t know why I do it, I guess because I miss the friendship I use to have, I had accepted it was gone but I got sucked back in. I feel like a treasure hunter or a rainbow chaser. Its like I have seen the treasure I have picked up and touched it, then I was whisked away my a strong wind and I have been trying for a long time to find my way back but I am not making any progress. Maybe I don’t need the riches that this treasure has to offer me OR MAYBE it was not a treasure at all. The gold coins where actually just painted rocks? Maybe this journey was meant to make me stronger. To prove to myself what I already knew, to learn a lesson that has already been taught! I have continued on it for so learn because I had faith in people to change. Or maybe it was just my stupidity to think that someone would change, not even change but just not be the same way towards me and just respect me a little more, so yeah I guess that would be a change.
If you were my friend and someone that was really important to me came in town, even if it was short notice, wouldn’t you make an effort to meet them? If there was beef in the past, no matter the circumstances, childish and/or retarded, not your fault and so on in the past, but this issue causes a problem in our friendship wouldn’t you try to make amends? Like wouldn’t you at least respond and say “no” or “I cant make it” or SOMETHING! #1 I hate being ignored its just rude and #2 it leaves suspicion for others, #3 its just fucked up, and #4 it just eggs on the other person as proof I should not give my time to someone that does not deserve it because they don’t respond to a simple text, answer the phone or even call back.
GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess it just goes back to our differences; I am someone that does not put anyone, over my friends, like a boyfriend! So when I meet someone or start to work on a relationship if there is beef FOR WHATEVER REASON I want it squashed. But I guess since others don’t do that, they would not comprehend the importance of this situation. But I guess the other person just doesn’t value my friendship so with that said I guess I am done. I am throwing in the towel… I’m 2 days away from a New Year, I don’t need anyone in my New Year that doesn’t want to be there unless its on their terms and convenient for them.
