I should have never posted that pic to the top of my blog. It makes me miserable every time I come on here to blog. It gives me this feeling of emptiness and loneliness, a feeling of being homesick, even though it was only my home for a very short time. Or maybe it’s more along the lines of “home is where you heart is” and that is where my heart is. It is my element and where I need to be.
My weekend was, I don’t know, I have such a bad memory, I have been off the last two days so I guess my weekend has really been Sunday and Monday. It basically consisted of random things and a great lose of money.
I made a mistake yesterday. But its okay I will get over it. Why do we do the things we do to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves in situations that we know will later cause us pain. I guess because it hadn’t bothered me and I acted out of anger that I thought I could handle it but I have been pretty upset off and on all day today. Maybe Cait is right… maybe I do love him and I am in denial. But I don’t know if that is what it is or if I am just bored. There are so many things I like about him but just as many things that I don’t like. I just think that I don’t think that it is returned so I don’t go there, but then again I know it was at one point, but I guess that is the past. The trust is gone, I have no desire to even work towards a friendship but I think deep down I really just wish he would call me. But I don’t think it will happen, I know it won’t, ahh I am a mess. It’s this town, no ambition and boredom conquers my mind, thus creating a influx of emotions that are just sometimes overwhelming. I don’t get it though, I mean the girls he goes after aren’t attractive, they are old and look like they are even older… I don’t know. I think it’s a stability thing with that.
I changed my vacation from Colorado to Utah/Montana. I am going to be flying into Salt Lake City, Utah and driving up to Yellowstone National Park. I have been saying I was going to do this, for the past three years and I just have not had the opportunity. I am so excited about this trip more I think than any other trip I have planned or have gone on. I am just going to have a few days to relax in a white palace and relax and do things I love to do. Im looking forward to so many great photo opportunities, I have to get a new camera before I go. I will never ever have money I will be broke for forever, but its okay I am happy.
I think that is one of the greatest things about me, I don’t need a lot of things to be happy and most of the things that truly make me happy are completely natural. Stick me in the woods with my camera and Im as giddy as a 12 year old at an N’SYNC concert (when they were super cool)! I value friendship and nature higher than anything else that I know of, I think that is what makes me me. It is also what separates me from most.
How can I break myself of this boy? I have never been so caught up for so long. Sugar. I wish I could leave now and go to the mountains just to clear my head and get back on track!
