I feel so insane in my mind right now but it’s a good insane. I don’t know how to explain it, I just amazes myself always, not in a sense that I think that I am amazing (even though I am) but like just the things I come up with in my head.
So yesterday I got to spend the day with the most amazing person I have probably ever met thus far in my life and spending the day with this person made me realize so many things about myself that it’s ridiculous.
I have really been working on myself for a while now but I have just been in denial about how caught up on something’s I have been, that I shouldn’t be. It’s true what people say, that you never realize how good things can be until you have something bad. Well I think that I have had A LOT of the bad and I never really realized what the good could really be like mostly because I have never experienced. And I don’t have the good in a romantic relationship but in a friendship which to me is more important and really a beginning. A beginning in a sense that I now know, that what I have always wanted does exist. I have settled for a lot more then I have ever thought and I really had no idea.
What is the good like? Respectful, considerate, responsible, confident, intelligent, they follow through on their words, and they are honest. Someone that is true to themselves. Honest, very honest, it truly blows my mind.
I also realized that because I have dealt with so much bad, or pretty much all bad, I don’t know how to really respond to the good and it makes me almost nervous. I almost can’t even accept that someone of this magnitude exists. I find myself doing very idiotic things and not shutting up, when I get nervous I talk A LOT! It’s really sad. I’m always on the defense, even over the stupidest, smallest things, like someone offering to carry my backpack. It’s like I don’t even know how to act. So that’s something I need to work on and maybe start demanding, or I guess in a sense setting forth a standard of expectations, I don’t think demand is the proper word. I feel like I have just raised my bar over most people’s heads, but that is where it is staying. It’s really only what I deserve.
I am a good person and I deserve to have good people in my life. My goodness makes me a beautiful person and that means more to me than anything else. I could be 500lbs or 5lbs, I have always prided myself on how nice I am and that I am a good person because that is what defines a person, it is what I look for in people, even though it’s not the standard set by society. I call for a notion of change! Let’s get back to the basics of morals and values.
Good people do exist, they are just hard to find. I have a rejuvenated faith in people. I think. : )
I also say “like” a lot… and I guess that’s how people in California talk… lol.
And another thing that really just kind of blows my mind, is how attractive this person is. And he’s not attractive because he’s a good person, like usually I will think people are attractive once I get to know them, nope this person pretty much walked straight out of a JC Penny’s catalog in the section selling men’s panties! Yepppp, no joke! You know how people are usually absolutely gorges and just nasty people or they have this arrogance about them? Not this person. This only makes him more amazing, he’s confident and not cocky. And he knows hes good looking, but he doesn’t carry it as his only pride he just says “im a good guy” and Im like 95% sure, the 5% of doubt is just a small wall I always have up.
