The worst wounds are the ones that reopen, most painfully so when we reopen them ourselves. Its like a bad car accident, you know its tragic, but you still feel urged to look. I often wonder if bugs know they will die if they fly into the light zappers or what attracts them to the light in the 1st place? Its the urge to push the big red button, right after being told not too.
Its always funny what people hold on to.
And at the end of the day whatever it is that connected us, the spark, the connection, the thing that was greater then the both of us, whatever you want to call it, that thing, that feeling, it is still there. I feel it. When he talks to me, when he looks into my eyes. Whatever was there from day 1 is still there, so what has changed and why? I think that is what hurts. Its the fact that I am not good enough. Not skinny enough. Not pretty enough. I think its that fact that I put ever single ounce of myself into something that failed. I have never tried so hard at anything in my life, I was my best me and still it wasnt good enough. That is what hurts. The fact that we could talk about anything and we did, the friendship that we had, that is what I miss, that is what hurts. The fact that I made you mad and you told me you loved me and you meant it.
Its such a sad story. It really is. I think that everyone that comes into your life is a lesson and I know now what lesson you are to me. You are my lesson to stand up for myself, to not settle for less than what I deserve, because I do deserve so much better then you. I know that she doesn't love you, she thinks she does but she doesn't and she will leave you. You also know that she doesn't love you and that is why you miss me. No one will ever be as good to you as I was because my love is a special kind of love. My love didn't need maintenance at Tiffany's every 6 months, my love is real. . When she leaves you, you will call me because you are hurt
My mind and my heart in this constant battle, the same battle that I
wrote about 3 years ago. I know what is good for me but if I know what
is right, why does it hurt me so badly? I dont make sense.
