We as people always talk about things we want from the
opposite sex and somehow we are all programmed to live in this world of
committed relationships. The down time and the in-between finding the “right
one”, we always talk about this fantasy situationship of “friends with
benefits”. We all just want someone we can hang out with and fuck on occasion,
no strings attached right? Isn’t that the perfect world… However, this idea is
followed by the statement of “but it never works” typically followed by a series
of reasons why, mostly because people will tell you someone always “catches
feelings”.
After a series of events, several conversations with women
and some of my own experiences. I have come to the conclusion that the real
reason why these things don’t work out is because of how each person goes into
it. Let me break this down and further explain…
Even though we (women) may not be emotionally connected to a
man or have any intentions of furthering a relationship with a man, if we are
having sex with him we hold that man to a certain set of expectations. As women
we have been programed by society to feel as though we are almost superior
beings to men and that sex with us should be treated as a prize and a
privilege. When we engage with men in anyway, we are told/taught, and in some
ways it’s true, that we have to almost teach men how to treat us. When we
approach a man with a FWB situation, we tend to not set those standards properly
and the way we should as we do not think they will be perceived well and we
want to capitalize on this opportunity. Due to us taking a laissez faire
attitude towards the situation, a man does not always put in the effort that we
expect, as I can assume, he feels its just casual sex and really isn’t a big
deal to him. He has not been told his entire life, that he is about to obtain
this golden prize and he should be ohhhh so grateful of this as we feel him
some sort of worthy to enter our kingdom and bless our thrones. In other words, even though it isn’t a big
deal to us either, we as females are just so unable to unwind from what we have
been told; we secretly want this man to put in effort with us as they are
getting to reap the “benefits” we have to offer. At the end of the day a women
wants to be catered to and given attention. When that shifts no matter what the
circumstances are, the dynamics of the relationship will change. Which is why friends with benefits never work
out.
Men don’t out in effort into a FWB
situation, as they do not feel as though they need to. I also think that a lot
of times when a woman may approach a man about some of the above mentioned
things or situations, men perceive it as “oh she wants to be with me” and
really that’s not the case. We as women just do not know how to communicate
what we want, in most situations.
I also think that it is social programming with men as much
as it is with women. A lot of men, do not always take a woman for her word when
she is being honest about her intent and what she says she really wants. Men
all think that we as women just want to be in relationships and get married,
that really is not the case in most situations. I think we (women) are all
looking for someone special to be with but in the mean time until we meet that
person, we just want to have fun.
Women, I hate to break it to ya, have a greater sex drive
than men, I do believe. We are dirty, horny creatures. We talk about sex and
think about sex I think wayyy more than men. If men could be privy to some of
the conversations we have amongst ourselves, I think they would be shocked and
in complete disbelief. I think if most men saw the group chat with me and my
girlfriends they might have a heart attack.
Moral of the story is that MEN, if you want to have a successful
fwb, you are going to have to step up your game. Do NOT over step, but maybe
pay for dinner or a movie here and there. Give attention when it is requested
and BE HONEST all the time. It also goes back to the ideology that men and
women, just are never on the same page and we have a really hard time communicating
with each other.
Social stigmas are a bitch.
--> At the end of the day, just be open. State your purpose. Be honest. Keep it moving. -->
